Hallmark Stores: No One Ever Needs To Go There

Yesterday, my daughter expressed her desire to get another Webkinz (TM) which is a kind of stuffed animal that has an online component.  It's quite ... deviously ingenious. You buy one, and then you get SuperSpecial access to WebkinzWorld (TM, I'm guessing), and your animal can play and has a house and clothes.  BUT, after a year, your access expires, UNLESS YOU BUY ANOTHER ONE.

So, as a birthday present, I had promised another of these insidious furry dustmite catchers.

These Webkrack animals are only sold in certain places (the kind that little old ladies and bored BORED teenagers ever go into), and one of them is Hallmark Stores (TM).  I haven't set foot in one since I was engaged to be married and thought that I Really Needed a "My Pre-Wedding Year" scrapbook.  (which, upon finding out the price and noting the fact that I'd actually have to PUT THINGS INTO IT, I slid back onto a shelf containing Hummels (TM). Which I loathe.  I really, really loathe Hummels (TM).)

As my daughter sized up the possible candidates (the patchwork turtle?  the bright purple dinosaur?  the sad-looking armadillo? (and have you ever seen a happy armadillo?)), I wandered around.

Here's my brain on Hallmark:
Oooohh.  SPARKLY!  [reaches out and fondles a flower sun-catcher thing]

Ooooh.  SMELLY!  [leans over and sniffs a violently scented candle that is operated by batteries]

Oooooohh!  BREAKABLE!  [shoves hands in pockets while tiptoeing past the Lladro statues (TM)]

Oohhhhh!  WEIRD! [repeatedly pushes the button on the 'lifelike terracotta-like resin" flowerpot of a scented rose you can make bloom and un-bloom]

Did you think I was making this up?

Oooohh!  EXPENSIVE! [rifling through the Wedding Section's display of Unity Candles, Scrapbooks, Albums, "Chicken Soup for the Bridal Party's Soul" books, and commemorative dove-shaped "Bride!" pendants]

Then I suddenly snapped back into my mind and thought, "Ooooh.  POINTLESS."