To Pee, Or Not To Pee.... (story)

My mother is a sweet lady.  I love her to bits.  She's polite.  She's well-dressed.  She's pretty and articulate and makes a mean grilled cheese sandwich. 

But.  Put any one of her cubs in danger or distress?  You're asking for a smack-down. 

Once, many moons ago, there was an elementary school near our house.  The principal there was rather ... old-school, shall we say.  Apparently a kid at the school did some drawing on the walls of one of the bathrooms, and This Is Vandalism.

The principal decided that meant that NONE of the kids in the school should be allowed to use the bathrooms At. All.  There was an announcement made over the loudspeaker that day, telling us that the very next day would begin the great No Bathroom Access All Day punishment.  The vandal had not confessed, and It Would Be So until we knew who did it.

My mother was incensed when she heard this.  "It's not healthy!" said she.  "It's not SAFE!" "You need to be able to go to the bathroom!" she cried, pacing about.  "What is WRONG with those people?"

So, in her quiet, wearing-a-nice-dress way, my mom staged a sit-in the very next day.  She simply went to the principal's office and told the principal, the secretary, and the school nurse (to whom she gave a serious scolding about this) that until the kids were allowed to use the restrooms, the adults would not be allowed to either.  All. Day.  And my mom said that she'd make sure of it. 

I can only imagine that at that point, she crossed her legs, arched an eyebrow, and sat back.  Waiting.

Guess what!

The bathrooms were opened.  Kids peed freely.  And my mom, no doubt, picked up her handbag, gave a gracious smile, and strode out of there with perfect posture. 

Thanks, Mom.

Unlikely Fritters: Recipe

I was driving home from work one evening, and I was trying to figure out what to have for dinner. On Thursdays, I get home long after the family has dinner, so I'm on my own. I typically have leftovers or an omelet or something I KNOW they wouldn't eat.

This is what I like to call "Night Before I Have To Go Grocery Shopping" cooking.

Ingredients:
One sweet potato, preferably all dried out and a leeetle moldy in spots -- Peeled and then shredded
One cup of cauliflower (frozen, possibly from the Reagan administration), microwaved with water until extremely soft (4 minutes?)
One egg
1/3 cup of peas -- leftover if possible
1/2 of a BRATWURST . Chop it as finely as is reasonably possible
A few TB of regular white flour

Sprinkle with:
a bunch of garlic powder (1 tb?)
a little less cumin (1/2 Tb?)
some paprika, because I have WAAAY too much paprika (you know how sometimes you go shopping and each and every week you buy the SAME 5 pounds of sugar and it starts stacking up? That happened to me with paprika)
A bunch of ground pepper (2 tsp, maybe)
some salt to taste

Mush it around a bit. If it sticks together in clumps, it's good. If it's all wet and floppy, add more flour. If it's all dry and crumbly, add some more egg or water or something.

In a littlish bowl, put about 1/2 cup of cornmeal (I used yellow, but you are your own person)
and about 1/2 cup of panko bread crumbs. I'd bet that crushed up crackers would work too, or just flour.
I added spices and things:
A lot more parsley (dried) than I planned (prob. 1/8 cup)
Salt
basil
I contemplated adding mustard seeds, but wasn't sure, so I drew the line.

Mush the veggie mix into balls (golfball-ish in size) and drop them into the crumb mix. Mash them together and make them flattish.

[Kate's Note: I tried today BAKING these. TWICE as awesome, fewer calories. Spray a cookie sheet w/Pam, place the fritters on the pan, spray the FRITTERS with Pam, and bake for 12ish minutes at 375, flipping once when the bottom browns.
ONLY 70ish calories per fritter!]

All this time, you've been heating the oil (I used boring veggie oil). It's -- I guess -- shallow oil. I'd estimate that the fritters will be up to their ankles or possibly knees in the oil. But no higher.

Drop them in (careful -- boiling oil is used to kill people in movies, you know) and let them cook until nice and brown and delicious on BOTH sides. You will have to flip them at some point. NOTE: Use a METAL flipping thing, NOT plastic. Please believe me on this.

Drain them on paper towels.

Serve with BEER! Just kidding. Wine is fine too.
ALSO: consider making some sauce:
equalish parts of HORSERADISH and KETCHUP. You DO know that's what "cocktail sauce," or "shrimp sauce" really is, right? It's totally true.

If you can make 12 little fritters out of this, they come to about 80 calories each.

And? Totally, weirdly awesome.

Ghosts With Blue-Green Eyes

Today, I had an extraordinary opportunity.  I got to see a woman who I first met when we were both 5 years old.  Kindergarten.

She was always slightly quicker on the draw in "find the word in the dictionary" games, and waaay ahead of me in multiplication tables.  One thing that helped take the edge off of my defeat was her friendly smile.  She had a lovely, un-selfconscious smile. Her eyes were this kind of sea green with sky blue around the edges.

I haven't looked into those eyes for ... a good long while.  Junior high graduation, I think.

Today, I saw her and her two youngest kiddos.  And WOW if I didn't see THREE pairs of those eyes!  It was weird, seeing her there.  I remember her as the skinny little tomboy who could ALWAYS beat me in math quizzes.  (Not that it's setting the bar too high, really.)  I saw her now, lovely, long blonde hair, nice smile.  But overlaid on top, I saw the other her.  The kid.  The gawky "elbows and knees" her.

And you know what? The present-day her is even better.  We're both moms.  She's got bigger pile of kids than I do (much bigger), and one more husband, but we're the same age.  I'm one month and 2 days older.

But it's awesome to be grown up.