Today, I was in a snit. A mood, as it were. Raahhhhther unpleasant.
Unfortunately, the snit turned into a bother, and the bother turned into a huff. Then I had to go teach lessons.
During my first lesson or two, I was ok. Adequate. But still a bit tetchy. I had an underlying layer of grump. Then it accelerated right into a full-blown peeve. And sadly, the peeve crested right during one lesson.
Oh, how I peeved. I snitted and grumped and huffed. No matter how I tried to ignore or rise above the mood, it washed over me like soupy slime. This poor kid. I'm usually cheerful -- silly and happy, but hardworking. I make a heck of an effort to be in the moment as I teach.
Today, blech. Not so. As I played and taught, I wondered how to handle this uncharacteristic buttheadedness. So I tried my new favorite approach.
Candor. That is one of my "words of the year." Candor. Just spill it. Don't pussyfoot around, don't finesse it, don't sugar coat, just out with it.
"Well, today? I was in a really bad grumpy mood. I'm afraid I took it out on you a bit, and it had NOTHING to do with you. I am having a bit of trouble with somebody, and I'm sorry. You were fine. I was the not-fine one. Sorry."
And guess what she said?
"Ummm. Ok? I didn't notice anything."
So either she's a great liar or I'm a great actress. But I really feel better having just outed myself. And maybe perhaps, she can realize that adults have bad moments with friends and with colleagues and ... that it's ok to just say out loud "I'm sorry. I was a grump." The world will not end, people will not point and laugh (necessarily).
I'm a better person for having honestly admitted to being off my game.