My son (aged 8) was sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast and doodling on the newspaper with a mechanical pencil. Just then, the pencil ran out of lead.
So, naturally, he took the pencil apart and replaced the lead with a strip of cooked bacon. Naturally.
Later in the day, I needed to jot down a phone number, so I grabbed the closest pencil and began to write. Sadly, I found that bacon is not an adequate substitute for graphite.
File that away in your memories, people.