Sunday, December 18, 2011

But What If I Succeed?

Catch 22.

If I manage to succeed in my careers, my life, then what?  Success would be: knowing what to do, knowing HOW to do things, how to take care of people, how to get things done, how and when to soothe or discipline or praise.

Let's say I actually manage all of this.  I AM the woman who gets it done.  I'm the Mama who provides.  The wife who is the right mix of hot and sweet.  I'm the business woman who knows who to call, what cords to plug in, when to transfer the funds.  Let's say I do it.

It's actually going to make people THINK that I have it together.  That I know.  That I am.

Then, who will be gentle to me?  Who will mentor me and advise me and coddle me?  Who do the heroes go to for help?  And how do they accept the help if it's offered? 

Here's the catch to the 22.  If I "fake it until I make it," there's not much opportunity for being vulnerable.  For actually looking like someone who will accept a tissue, who needs an offer of a drink, who would like for someone to hold open the heavy door.  But if I look like I need help, can I succeed?  Will people respect and trust me?  Or would that admission of floundering or not-knowing be a kick in the back down the icy hill of failure, or worse still, mediocrity?

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