Where, afterwards, you say, "I totally coulda seen that one coming" and you slap your forehead?
I'm getting quicker at ending the cycle now. From the beginning, where things start to feel slightly off-kilter (one of the wheels is starting to wobble) through the middle (holy crap! what's that rumbling sensation?) and through the inevitable CRUNCH (eaumahgah/we'reallgonnadie!).
I have learned to play catch in a whole different way. The ball o'crap comes at me, and maybe the first time or two I lob it back. (And isn't THAT a luscious image?)
But -- when my head emerges from the sand, I think, "OH. Right. Must not participate." And then the next ball o'crap? I catch it and then I SET IT DOWN.
And then I just stand there. I try to look around and get some perspective. I try to remember who I am, where I am, and that no matter how many balls o' poo are flying, they're not all aimed at me.
How it translates into real life:
I get frustrated by MYSELF missing a crucial schedule detail. Then I make a plan to fix it, which in turn causes MORE problems, because I had -- in my hurry to fix the first mistake -- made another one, which would cause problems for OTHERS in my life. The problems ensue, everybody gets mad, hurt feelings happen, I get defensive, I get quiet.
Then. I look around and realize that we're all still the same people. That these same people know ME. They can forgive ME. And I can forgive THEM. I do not become someone else to them, even when I make mistakes, and vice-versa.
Remember in Sex and the City (before the stupid movies) where Miranda and Steve break up? And she misses him, but ... now he's An Ex. And he comes to her and smiles that crooked grin, and says, "But Miranda. It's me, Steve." And she smiles and cries on him and they agree that they can hang out and talk.
|"It's me! Steve!"|
I get to the point where I have to remember, "Hey, It's me. Kate."
So I own up to my mistakes, and the problems caused when I try to rush in and fix them. And then the other people involved (usually) forgive my mistakes. And then they (usually) admit that they did something kind of thoughtless or stupid or whatever, and that kind of sucks. And we sit and look at each other, remembering that we're still us.
People do not become someone else just because you've made a mistake or hurt their feelings or vice-versa.
And thinking that they HAVE; positioning them as The Other, The Enemy, that just makes the ball o' poo splat all the messier.
Catch it. Go, "Ew. For gosh sakes, please stop throwing poo at me." Drop it, wipe your hands off, and stand up and look around.
"It's me. Kate."