Seven Quick Tips: Taking Two Dogs to the Vet (with your 10 year old daughter)

[This format was yoinked from SuburbanCorrespondent, who probably got it from somebody else.]

1: For the love of all that is holy, DON'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR ALLERGY MEDS that morning.  Especially if you are violently allergic to cats.  Because no matter what you do, those furking cats at the office WILL shed directly AT you.  Also -- I suspect all the cats in the boarding area saw you coming, too.

2:  Those white linen capris that were so cute this morning?  Won't be white anymore.  Not with one dog randomly peeing on things, one dog expressing his anal glands, and a daughter who can't seem to hold onto a leash and sends you tromping through knee-high weeds to chase after the dog.  Oh - and all those other dogs at the vet's office ALSO visited this patch of weeds this morning.  Yeah.

3:  The veterinarian probably doesn't want you to lie about if you have remembered to give the dogs their heartworm preventative each and every month.

4:  When you see your laid-back dog creeping up on the vet who is kneeling down on the floor, examining spastic dog, stop him before he starts to hump the vet's shoulder.  It's not as funny as you think.

5:  If, when the vet starts to try to take blood from your precious basset-mix lovey dog, you feel funny, look away.  And then? IF that doesn't help?  Put your head between your knees as though you're fixing your flip-flop.  The floor of the office has probably been peed and pooped on this morning, and when you black out, you won't be too picky.

6:  Take serious hold of the leashes BEFORE you open the exam room door when you're done.  The tiny little mini-dachshund in the waiting room will appreciate it.

7:  Remember the technique of checking your flip-flop from #5?   It works for when you see the bill too.