I have a talent for "that'll NEVER happen" kind of things.
Like the time I was sitting on my couch in my living room. Dogs were sleeping on either side of me, my baby was napping and my toddler daughter was playing peacefully at my feet. I was chatting on the phone.
When I ended the conversation, I turned off the handset. It was an early version of a cordless phone, and had a stumpy little antenna that was kind of rubberized. My black dog (Wally) woke up and stood on the couch next to me, stretching. I glanced over at him and noticed that his butt was right behind my shoulder, little pink pooper right there. So I casually jabbed the phone back over my shoulder at his heinie to be silly.
Instant dog proctology exam. The antenna fully inserted itself. Wally was surprised, to say the least. I disinfected the handset several times with alcohol. My toddler daughter laughed herself sick, and I couldn't quite figure out how I felt about the whole experience.
After that, Wally kept his back end to the wall when I was on the phone.