Saturday, September 24, 2011

New Word: "Grosstipation"

What, you may ask, is "grosstipation"?
It's when you get so grossed out by something that you can't ever imagine eating again. 

Today, I cleaned out my dishwasher.  I mean, cleaned CLEANED my dishwasher. 

To give you perspective, we've lived in this house for just over four years.  In that time, I didn't know that you could remove the black rubber seal around the door, the plastic cover to the filter, and the thingy that spins around on the bottom. 

Oh yes, you can.  So these things have been collecting goo all this time.  Now, I'd gone in with a paper towel now and then and wiped up obvious accumulations of slime, but ....

If you can afford to have somebody clean yours for you every year (or six months? every other week? I have no idea, actually), do it.  It's like making sausage:  nobody really wants to know the inner workings of the process.

You know the little grayish gelatinous goobers you sometimes find in the bottoms of coffee mugs in the dishwashers?  Tip of the iceberg, my friends.  Tip of the grosstastic, greasy, grubby, mysterious iceberg of filth.  Think chunks.  Chunks that fall into the steel sink with an audible "plop."  Some with more of a clunk. 

Every time I thought I was done, I'd turn something over and I'd realize that there were untapped wells of slime -- chunky or smooth, your choice.

Now that I'm done (oh, sweet JEEBUS, let me be done), I can't imagine eating.  Drinking.  Ever.  Please, make it stop.

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